How to stop chasing borrowed goals and define your own path
Our culture worships hustle, we’re told that if we’re not constantly grinding or aiming to be millionaires, we’re doing life wrong.
If we’re not trying to join consumer culture or envy everyone around us, then we are somehow “wrong” and there must be something “crazy” about us.
But is that really true?
How society defines success
We’re bombarded daily with messages that “more is better”:
- More money = more happiness.
- Bigger cars, houses, phones = success.
- Working long hours / hustle culture = success.
- The millionaire dream = the only dream.
But let me ask you: what if those goals aren’t even yours?
Do you actually want it?
Most people don’t want to be millionaires.
They just want the freedom they believe comes with it.
But do you really want the stress, the pressure, and the grind it takes to get there? Do you want to work 40+ hours per week, be on the phone all day with people whose names you barely remember, just to go on vacation somewhere with a family you hardly know because you’re too busy overworking to afford more things?
Why habits matter more than goals
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” — Will Durant
What do you actually do each week?
What do you do with your time?
What are you proud of having done already?
What do you say to others that you’d like them to believe about you?
You may also think about doing many things, or embellish the things you wish to do – but don’t really. And that doesn’t count.
Because only your habits define you – not your dreams or goals.
Stop comparing your life to Instagram highlights
The more we consume curated feeds, the more we believe we’re behind.
But you don’t see the trade-offs those people made. You only see the results – the end goal they’ve already achieved, so they are proud to show the world.
Create tangible, personal goals, not vague fantasies
“Become a millionaire” isn’t a real goal.
It’s vague. It’s fantasy.
Their lives are not stress-free, and to reach that, you’d have to make too many sacrifices that you probably don’t even want to make. So why bother destroying your life for money?
Choose the problems worth having
Every life has problems. Instead of believing that more money will solve them all, choose the problems worth spending your life solving.
Because the truth is: even if you earn more, you’ll likely spend more.
You may end up in the same position, just at a different scale.
A better way to define what you truly want is to identify the problems you are willing to face and solve. Life will always present challenges, no matter your wallet size.
After reading Mark Manson’s book about how to say fu** it to everything, I’ve reached the conclusion that we all live in some kind of numbing bubble. We don’t see life as it is. It’s exactly how Orwell said, that it’s really hard to see what’s beneath our noses.
Concrete action
Start by setting tangible, personal goals: SMART goals, that actually fit YOU and YOUR reality.
Be concrete: Think weeks, months ahead, not decades. Think about things you can start doing today, tomorrow, next week, next month. Step by step.
Define a road to success that you can follow, and one that reflects your definition of success, not someone else’s.
The problem with borrowed ambitions
You are your own person. Think about who you want to become – someone you’d be proud of.
I’ve met many people who adopted other people’s dreams instead of forming their own. They ended up in jobs they hated, performing tasks completely misaligned with who they are, studying and wasting money on degrees that don’t make sense for their personalities, just because they were told that “the way to become someone” was through that route.
They shaped their lives around a false sense of self, trying to become someone else, trying to change the way they act and speak just to “fit in”, to just be like everyone else.
And I ask: why? Why choose daily misery when you could simply say, “No. Sorry. I don’t care about your opinion. I’ll go this way instead, and I’ll decide for myself from now on, no matter what it takes. Because this is my life, and I need to live it according to my truth, not someone else’s.”
Feeling accepted by others (family, friends, acquaintances) isn’t going to cut it in the long run. It never has, never will.
Eventually, a crisis hits. And instead of a minor course correction, it becomes a dramatic life shift, because the foundation was never real.
Why self-understanding matters
This is why it’s important to understand yourself better before making major decisions.
Listening to yourself, not others. Writing down your ideas. Thinking before talking. Considering what you’ll be doing in the next 5 years if you pursue that goal.
Temperament theory is a useful starting point. There are only four to choose from, and most people have one dominant, and maybe a secondary one.
We all have different talents, skills, and personalities.
We should shape our lives around them.
The ripple effect of personal choices
Even small actions create ripple effects. You are part of a giant interconnected web. So don’t let society convince you your life is insignificant.
What you do impacts a lot of people. If you reach the goals that fit your own personal interests, you can amplify your potential so much that you can do great things for yourself and then for others.
To give just one small example: a single person can open an amazing gym in a small town. And because that one person had such high standards, everyone in the nearby towns now goes to that gym because it’s the best one. Now, because one person decided to be great at creating an amazing space for fitness, hundreds of families benefit from it.
Simply because one person opened a good space. One decision.
Can you see how a single person can impact so many others just by being themselves?
And that’s just one simple example. But imagine if everyone thought this way.
This is why your road to success should be personal – only you know what you care about most, and what your wishes and desires are. So act on them, learn the skills, and share what you know with the world.
Defining success on your own terms
Remember:
- You create your own road to success: your life, your responsibility to act on it the way you believe is right.
- Forget the millionaire fantasy if it doesn’t align with you.
- Build daily/weekly habits. Don’t chase illusions. We are what we repeatedly do.
- Stop comparing your path to someone else’s highlight reel.
- Choose meaningful problems you want to have will give life depth and meaning.
- You are part of something bigger. You always matter. Your actions matter.
- Define happiness and success for yourself. No one else can know you better than you do, and no one else can do it for you.
It’s time to come home.
Let your goals be yours.
Let your life be yours.
That’s the real win.
